Bears Are Assholes

The third time that a bear came 'round
he came and knocked my lover down
As she was crying, thrashing, screaming
He just calmly went on eating

I ran up and shot a frown
He looked at me with eyes so brown
He said "Why not leave it up to her?"
She said "Leave him be, he's just endangered"

I stalked away with heart in hand
And floated to my father's land
Relating all to Gammer Nicole
She told me that all Bears are assholes
But if you want to be a man
You'll lock your knees and make a stand

I bagged my lunch and back I marched
Back to that bear-infested marsh
I swept up my lady's bones
wiped them off and took them home

Now our kids can eat in groups
I chop the bread, she makes the soup
All that's left is wedded bliss
I s'pose I'll owe that bear a kiss